How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Frock, No 173

Perhaps this looked like a good pattern at 3 o'clock in the morning to the hard-pressed designer, fag in  hand, colouring pencils at the ready.  There is something arch and oh-so-knowing in that jarring scalloped band of black and polka-dot arrangement at the hem, but it is of course the dark stain of sin slowly engulfing the floral loveliness above.

The Island of Doctor Moreau has things less freakishly conjoined than this dress.

Miss Selfridge, £45.