Schlock horror

River Island, £150

I imagine these are every bit as comfortable as the gibbet from which they were removed.  You know, we don't display the bodies of executed miscreants at crossroads often enough these days.

That funny smell? It's style, being gently composted

Lovely!  A scratchy acrylic beanie for those sultry summer days when only the fabulous binman look will do.

If you really want to throw away thirty pounds I'd lean your foot lightly 'pon the pedal-bin and place three crisp tenners gently therein.  Money well spent, I'd say.

River Island, £30.