Is it an old bike being flung into a skip? A brick being turned in a cement mixer to remove the dried-on clag? Oh, I see: the dreadful cacophony wrought upon your ears is the sound of the patterns on these shorts being forced together like adjoining tectonic plates. You know, geological catastrophe just doesn't look so worrying now this abomination has given us such a helpful perspective on the apocalypse.
Topshop, £30.
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