Two ugly things welded together

This top can be worn to prevent your identification after you've robbed a bank.  From one side, you'll be the girl in the dull black and white t-shirt; from the other, you'll be the daft ha'porth who fell into Black's collection of tart fabrics and wrenched herself free, taking this piece of lamé with her.  However baffled the forces of law will be, they will not be as confused and adrift as this damned t-shirt thing.

This is the sort of garment which should have been exposed on a hillside at birth.

River Island, £45.