Winner of Most Absorbent Garment Category

Quite apart from the peculiar texture of the skirt, the full and unforgiving gather at the waist, and the strange length, the fabric is that dirty grey colour dishcloths go in disreputable cafes when they've been used to wipe the counter down rather too often, and thus the main suspect in an E. coli outbreak.

Close up, the design is an all-over check, which hints at an alternative genesis as a horse blanket.

Either way, it's fifty quid for a garment replete with pathogens.  Thanks, Asos.