Unnervingly reminiscent of the Kraken as it heaves its ravening maw over the terrified shipmates

In fact, so many things are clashing I thought I'd stumbled on to the set of Stomp.  That central pattern, which is no doubt an artist's representation of The Abyss, will dizzy and appal the unwary shopper, propelling them into mannequins and distressing artfully-folded trouser displays.

Queasy does it at River Island, £17.