When tea-cosies attack

On average, three people a year are hurt in tea-cosy-related accidents.  I think this cape thing is going to make that figure rise quite sharply, as distracted car-drivers mount the pavement, and cyclists ram themselves into lamp-posts.

It seems a most impractical item:  it can't be fastened up, so unexpected chillinesses will result, I fear.  And this bright coral pink colour will make everyone's teeth hurt.  Ten sugars or twelve?

Also available in dark green, presumably for Merry Men.

River Island, £34.